Souvenir

Do you ever do that thing where you keep a tab open thinking you'll come back to it later, but eventually because of that 50-tab limit you just overwrite it with something else, and something else, and then something else... and before you know it you've completely forgotten what you wanted to remember under a chain of internet history?

Well today, I wanted to remember. So I kept pressing back, back, back in the browser -- and found that I was scrolling through the memories of a couple nights ago, and some other night before that, but backwards.
Then I realized... these were events and experiences with people I love, that I want to remember -- much more so than the title of that book I'd been wanting to buy. By accidentally overwriting something I thought was important, I had kept for myself a souvenir of something truly important. 

People know what they want. Anyone reading this will agree that cherished memories are a good thing -- this is little more than  a reminder. So what's the problem?

It's more like we forget what we want. You might be so busy optimizing for all the things you think you want that before you know it, you forget to work for things that you should want (scratching an itch doesn't make you any happier after it's gone, but it sure feels good while you're doing it). Or maybe like me, you were never made aware that you wanted it or had to work for it, maybe you never even thought about it. One might call these types of wants "schematically inaccessible".

I wonder if this is the kind of thing people regret on their deathbed. How many people right now are regretting that they forgot to not forget? What other things are we forgetting to want?

Come to think of it, buying souvenirs and taking pictures have never been a priority for me. "Be present", "enjoy the moment", "people will think I'm a tourist".
I feel a bit differently now, but I'm still not going to purchase some generic model Eiffel Tower on a visit to Paris (the picture is obligatory though). But I just might take an escargot shell from that overpriced restaurant to memorialize the funny conversation we were having about snails over lunch, or something to that effect.

A relevant song

The 9/11 Memorial means something special and poignant to a small subset of us. I could empathize with the sadness while I was there... but it's nothing close to how it feels to those who were closer to the event and suffered real loss. My memories are secondhand -- my parents talking about it, videos of the event, stories... the rest I've filled in to the best of my imaginative ability.

As humans we have a tendency to build permanent things to remember other, impermanent things by. It makes sense for those who have the corresponding memory, but can that object really hold the same meaning for their children, much less their grandchildren? 

Of course, when those of us who remember die, other memories take their place -- you may have had an exceptionally memorable date on the Broome Bridge, once remembered by the late Sir Hamilton as the place he wrote down the now famous "i² = j² = k² = ijk = −1". But as for those memorials who claim to represent some piece of history... those "true" memories vanish. To call it a "memorial" is to lie, if only a little. 

It's an interesting perspective though -- to understand that someone, at some point, prescribed some very specific memories and emotions of an event to the structure claims to memorialize it... but no longer truly does.