Looking outwards and taking advice

 I've often found it difficult to take advice from people. I used to think I was pretty open minded, and when I decide to be I really am.

I actively avoid looking outwards for advice, asking others for help. Why? Most likely it's a fear of realizing that I "suck" at things, a need to be great at everything all the time. I've come to understand myself a little bit more now and I realize that I'm hard on myself a lot of the time. 

Another symptom that supports this theory is that I tend to "rush" or "force" short-term solutions to things instead of really learning. I'm not observant of my own capabilities, preferring instead to focus purely on the outcomes, trying to make something work, at least to the extent that I can delude myself into thinking that I'm good at this. I've done this with school, with work, with relationships. I cover up problems and don't listen to my own mind, my own body. It's also a source of great stress... things are real difficult when you're not actually getting any better, improving, but still have to convince myself that you're awesome. My neurotic personality is likely associated with it, since my way of solving a problem is by thinking about something over and over, worrying, pacing around. 

Those times that I "let go" and accept the limits of my capabilities, things just get... better. My headspace seems a lot clearer. It's not that my problems magically disappear, but the problems are put into context. And as it turns out, the solutions often lie not with me but with the outside world, with others -- there are so many things I was doing sub-optimally that became drastically better after some simple changes. Yes, I suck, but it's not too difficult to not suck after all. It's a matter of opening up. 

It's difficult to admit that you're not complete. But I imagine that once you get into the habit of truly learning new things, new mindsets and attitudes that you couldn't have possibly thought of in your lifetime, there is a paradigm shift. It's not this simple "get problem, process really hard on your own, output solution" anymore. You're now part of a community of human beings, this larger organism. Problems aren't a limiting, "you've got to solve it now" kind of scarcity-mindset-inducing, urgency-inducing sort of thing. Instead, they're just... things. Opportunities? Curiosities?