He made some snarky comment about how there seems to be some Korean everything, implying that maybe I talk too much about Korean stuff.
Looking back this feels insensitive to me. We talked about "American stuff" 98% of the time. The majority of my life was trying to, or at least appearing to, fit into this mainstream American way of life despite not really ever being raised in that context. But I tried my best: When my coworkers talked about old American movies I would always show curiosity -- I even made a list of old American movies to catch up on like Tombstone and bills Excellent Adventure.
The immigrant experience is my experience. From very young I was taught to behave myself in public because how I act would affect how Koreans, and Asians in general, are perceived in this country. I now realize how right my mother was -- as Asian-Americans, we are not seen first as Americans, but rather Asians. We do not have the privilege of acting as individuals because we are not, in public or at first glance, seen through that lens.
It feels a bit unfair then to simultaneously "other" this group of people but also insist that they adopt wholesale the majority culture, perhaps to only weigh in through approved, comfortable channels like Panda Express or K-Pop.
Some say that we live in America, so we should speak American and dress American. To those individuals I ask: what is "American"? I have lived the majority of my life here in the land, the same as you. What personal contribution have you made to the land that makes your definition of "American", your lifestyle and your pop culture, more "American" than my own lived experiences? Is galbi not as American as smoked ribs, because it is made by people of a different culture to yours, different race?
Such is the problem of the immigrant and their descendants. Given time the immigrants will "fold in" to the popular American culture in the same way that the European and African Americans have. But it is clear to me that only a certain amount of foreign-ness will be tolerated at any given point. Maybe imperialism is in the Western blood -- they would rather others adopt their culture than they adopt others'. No trade deficits will be tolerated.
Even understanding this, I still struggle to comprehend how on the individual level you could say or imply that my Korean-labeled cultural artefacts should be treated as something "different" than your American-labeled ones.
I don't say things like "You always bring up a white-people version of everything" yet it seemed so natural for my coworker to say essentially the same thing to me.
And even then, I know white people who live very, very different lives -- but I can't imagine one white person saying to another "You always seem to talk about yuppy versions of things". It makes it clear to me that being raised Korean is not the same as being raised in the city, or on a ranch, or in Tennessee, because it is somehow non-American.
It's not that I don't understand that there should be a cultural center, a shared cultural language of America. It's more like, something feels very different about mentioning my cultural label -- it is less "we should talk more from a shared/mainstream cultural language" and more "my cultural language IS the mainstream, and yours isn't, so I don't care nor need to care". It seems that they don't understand that in many ways I don't know the mainstream "American" culture in the same way they don't know my Korean-American lifestyle. But theirs doesn't have a label, because it is the default and mine isn't. And again: I try to approach and understand them, but there seems to be little attempt at reciprocation, even on the individual level. That's what bothers me.
Perhaps it is my fault for self-labeling things as Korean. If I talked about eating kimchi in the same way I talked about eating pasta, maybe things would be different...
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10/29/25
I think I've started noticing more and more that many Americans on some level are uncomfortable with foreign cultures. It projects like a superiority complex but feels more like an insecurity. Like that one guy who grew up in the same town their whole life who feels insecure when they meet a friend who's been all over. It's human to compare and feel sad that maybe you haven't lived your best life, but it's a choice to instead take the opportunity to enjoy a friend's stories and take curiosity, rather than insecurity, take over. Curiosity seems dead, though.
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